I want to describe to you the picture I am painting. The communication of the world is changing. We live every day just to share the endless time, and because of this, we begin to rely on using memory to achieve our own sense of existence.
I started to think about the topic of memory and existence, starting with my grandmother suffering from Alzheimer's disease. The confusion of thoughts and memories kept my grandmother quiet for most of the time. In an afternoon she sit on the chair and I painted as I accompanied her. That reminded me of the one I started painting when I was a child. My grandmother also silently looked at me like this. At that time, painting was not for any achievement or interest, but for a sense of existence. Grandma always prepared a stack of notepaper let me paint, no matter wherever she took me. If I painted a house during that time, I would keep drawing dozens of identical houses every day. It's just to let my grandmother look at me beside me so that I can achieve my sense of existence. But when I grew up, until my grandmother left, I didn't know how to give this memory back to her. Although my grandmother has done a lot about the prevention and treatment of Alzheimer ’s disease, afraid of losing her life ’s self-care ability and awareness of the surrounding environment, but in fact, as family members, the subconscious fear that we are avoided was: we will disappeared from grandmother's memory, and then forever lost an irreplaceable sense of existence.
I realized that the sense of existence that human beings have pursued throughout their lives is derived from memory. Whether it is personal emotional memory or historical memory of the environment, they will have different degrees of variation due to the needs of existence, and this variation is purposeful, in order not to disappear in a person or a group.
This makes me feel like challenging to record every moment of longing for existence by painting, and transform or even strengthen its purpose through vision. There are ways for humans to prove themselves, and there are ways to learn from animals and plants to prove their existence. This painting process may beautify the painful memory and let us learn to forgive ourselves; or It is to reduce the excitement and incitement in the beautiful memory to prevent the sudden destruction. All these efforts are to always remind ourselves to stay normal and to maintain the most legitimate appearance in this world, because it will be a collective memory belonging to the present. No one expected that "back to normal" has become the common belief of all mankind.
「我想把我正在畫的這張畫，形容給你聽」。世界的傳播在改變，我們每天過日子，就是為了分享綿延不絕的時間，也因為這樣，我們開始依賴用記憶達成自己的存在感。
開始想做關於記憶與存在感的主題，是從外婆患有阿茲海默症開始，思緒與記憶的混亂讓外婆多半時間都是沈默寡言的。一天下午她坐在椅子上，我在旁邊隨性的畫著畫邊陪陪她，想起小時候最一開始畫畫的自己，外婆也是像這樣在旁邊默默看著我畫。當時畫畫不是因爲什麼成就或興趣，而是畫一份存在感。外婆會準備一疊便條紙，不管把我帶去哪裡，就會放著讓我畫，如果那段時間我畫房子，我就會每天都一直不停地畫好幾十個完全一模一樣的房子，就是為了能讓外婆在旁邊看著我，好達成自己的存在感。但是長大後的我，直到外婆離開了，都不知道該怎麼將這份記憶回饋給她。雖然外婆做了很多關於阿茲海默症的預防跟治療，怕失去生活自理能力，怕失去對周遭環境的認知，但其實身為家人的我們，下意識在逃避的恐懼是：哪一天我們會從外婆的記憶裡消失，然後永遠失去一種無可取代的存在感。
我才意識到，原來人類終其一生在追求的存在感都是從記憶而來，不論是個人的情感記憶還是大環境的歷史記憶，它們都會因為存在感的需求產生不同程度的變異，而這種變異是有目的性的，就是為了不讓自己消失在某個人或某個群體之中。
這讓我想挑戰用繪畫形式將每個渴求存在感的片刻記錄下來，並藉由視覺去轉化甚至加強它的目的，這其中有屬於人類證明自己的方式，也有向動物與植物學習證明自己存在的方式。在這繪畫過程，它也許是美化了痛苦的記憶讓我們學會原諒自己；或是削減了美好記憶裡的過激與興奮，以防面對突如其來的破滅。這一切努力，都是為了時刻提醒自己保持正常，保持存在在這世界上最正當的樣子，因為它將是一段屬於當下的集體記憶，誰都不曾想到，“回到正常”成了現在全人類的共同信仰。